Who I Am
Staring I perform like a hawk,
My mind ticks meticulously like a clock.
For I admire the world in its natural state,
I do not attempt to change a thing when it is not my fate.
I savour the moment wherever the peaceful river may flow,
Where the wind gusts cress the deep green trees as they blow.
As the landscapes of the country kiss the luscious clouds in the blue sky above,
Just as couples embrace in the flowering fields their love.
I absorb every morsel of knowledge my starving mind craves,
I learn from the mistakes of the souls before me which sent them to their graves.
My work and money are mine for no other user,
I live simply for my family always thinking of the future.
I strive for a period of great prosperity and peace,
I admire leaders of hope, principles, and courage with no need to police.
Many would say I am too old fashioned but I do not give a dam,
For if God is my witness this is who I am.
This poem represents my values and worldview as I am a strong believer in accepting things the way they are, never attempting to change the natural state of the world. I feel too often today people overlook the art of savouring the moment, it can really be a transcending experience if one simply takes the time to do so. I respect the minds of people who have spent lifetimes of maturing and learning in order to get to their positions of authority and or honour. This type of knowledge and experience can only come from hours of self reflection and analysis of past mistakes in order to improve and grow as an individual. I feel reading is a fantastic method of pursuing this journey as it is an open door into the world of information and thought. I am just a very traditional gentleman and do not waste time on any useless complaints or people that try to sabotage my life, as it is too short to deal with those sorts of deterrences. I am definitely not for everyone but I cherish the few anyones who I have to support me right by my side, the real friends. I believe my writing, like this piece, is very reflective of my styles of communication and living and I wish whoever takes the time to read any of my work an experience, no matter what emotions it may bring to them.
Dear Charles,
this piece is a great poem that represents your values in a creative way! I especially love this rhyming going on throughout the piece and the open mindedness shown throughout. There isn’t much space open for criticism but I would maybe say to add some more lines to know more about you.
Looking forward to reading more of your work!
Sarah
Dear Charles,
You remind me of Lord Byron – not for his sexual endeavors, but because he too liked the natural world for what it was and did not want to change it. It’s great having you in our class considering that you know way more about The Odyssey than I ever will.
The constant thirst you have for knowledge and your relentless personality will take you to great lengths. As you mentioned in your poem, looking at leaders who have spent their entire lives maturing and dedicating themselves to their profession is truly an honorable thing that not many of us are capable of. From your blog, I am getting these “American Dream” type of vibes where you believe that we should all be given opportunities to do something for ourselves.
To improve, this may just be your style of writing, but you don’t necessarily need to have an AABB rhyme scheme. I think that by either using free verse or changing up the rhyme scheme to not make it so typical, you can mature your writing.
Overall, you seem to be a guy with a lot of interesting ideas that I would love to see on your blog in the future.
Sincerely,
Abhay
Charles,
Freedom is something so infinitely intangible, and it can be as fickle or fortuitous as one needs it to be. Freedom is something I value deeply, for many reasons that extend beyond politics or objectivity. I have known you for as long as I remember being free, and no matter who you’ve become or what you’ve chosen to do with the liberty you’ve been granted, there is a truth to you that is beautiful and absolutely unmoving. The simple breeze of air among the green and noisy quiet of solidarity that you captured in this poem displays with more faith than any amount of theory or debate your character and your heart and what liberty means to you.
You are a talented writer, and I can see with what you have demonstrated that your potential is unbounded. To refine your style of poetry, I would suggest writing free verse poems, and remove the restriction and need to rhyme. If you do this, and allow your thoughts to flow freely onto the pages without thinking about rhyming schemes, I think your ideas will be infinitely clearer. When incorporating a rhyme scheme, try to give each rhyme a line to breathe, rather than immediately continuing it in the next line. Not only will this enhance the flow of your writing, it will elevate the pressure of needing to rhyme, while also challenging you to find those rhymes and phrases. A best of both worlds case between free verse and rhyme. Try using some patterns like A, B, A, C, A, D, A or A, B, A, B, C, D, C, D or something of the sort for your next rhyming poem, and see how you find it.
You are a talented writer and a beautiful soul, and I thank you for standing by what you believe and who you are in a world that burns moulds from the poor souls who have yet to identify themselves. Please never stop writing.
Regards,
Liam.